Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Feeling Blue

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Feeling Blue

In Montreal entering my second week here.  I have my tiny netbook so writing is not the first activity I go for on it.  Ah, french french french.  I suck at it.  Ok, not suck but am lazy to speak it so… therefore suck at it.

New city, new apartment, trying to adjust.  Feeling the flux of emotions that comes with a change like this.  Moving to a new city, getting a place to live etc.  These are things that are normal for a person my age.  Alas, I lag behind in my peer group when it comes to these kinds of responsibilities.  So, this is a terrifying experience for me.  Committing to a place of my own even for as short as 2 mths is a struggle and I feel completely out of my element.  Dealing with the day to day feeling of disconnect and being out of place, the loneliness and the puzzling prospect of making real friends (seriously, how does it happen?) is a challenge I’ve never really presented myself with before.  Always was – boredom setting in, right then, moving on.  But I can tell you 2 things – I hate roommates and girls are NOT clean.

So to be honest have been feeling lonely and bored.  But yesterday was a turning point.  I sat at the Hare Krishna free food fest.  Which as we all know is not free.  Hearing Hare Krishna sung at every octave on a never-ending loop to drum beats is a high price to pay for veggie cuisine.  I sat alone and watched people for pretty much the first time since I’d been here.  Actually breathing and observing.  And I fucking relaxed.  Finally.  And the usual, which unusually hadn’t happened here for me yet, began to happen.  People were drawn to me.  Interesting people – with which natural, unique conversations came about.  Like the Johnny Depp look-a-like who unfortunately had a hippie mouth (“Ok, dude here’s your piece of paper with a number on it? Like I just don’t get it, money has no meaning ya know?”  ugh, shut up you ruined it.)  BUT who had tarot cards and explained the idea behind it and actually helped to put things in perspective.

So, today I calmed down and realized some things.  It’s ok to be lonely.  Friends will come to you.  It’s ok that your roommate whom you have never met steals your fan from your closed bedroom, you’ll just find a better one and she’ll be super jeals. That “Grown Men’s” (despite using this phrase, I still believe that this creature is more mythical than the unicorn) incapacity for expressing/acknowledging honest emotions is simply not MY problem.  That I could understand the entire French language but it doesn’t actually matter if I don’t say shit.  That I live a block away from a perfect people watching park.  That this is a good challenge for me and it’s gonna be fucking hard.  And that this city is blessed with an insanely high proportion of beautiful people, all of whom I hope to make out with.

Hope you’re out getting your vitamin D for the day.

xxoo